Whether your situation is either, you have been together for years and take the decision then to get married or you are engaged for a year and after this then wait to get married, or you either moved in with each other to get to know each other and then take this big decision. Uno there are many ways around the marriage topic. Heck it could have even been arranged and if you get the opportunity to talk, talk!
One thing I will always advise people I know who are in the stages of getting married or are even with their partner already, who ask for my advice is honesty. I cannot express how much emphasis couples need to put into this. Guys you are going to spend the rest of your life with this person so try and avoid the lies and the bad habits and just be open before you make this commitment. If you feel you cannot deal with the things going forward then do not get married, simple. Marriage is more working on that relationship consistently and always talking than just you sitting around putting your hands up and saying, “Well I told him/her once about the problem and they don’t listen or understand so that’s it, divorce”. Do not think you are going in the marriage to change them, because you would not like to be changed too. You accept each other whole heartedly, because everyone has faults and flaws.
Learn to share everyday with each other, nothing is too small or unimportant to talk about.
I think if your old enough or actually mature enough to think you are ready to marry, be ready for a road filled with obstacles because marriage is not going to be rosy all the time. Yes, all couples quarrel, it does not mean that because you quarrel, and I mean quarrel does not fight constantly over major issues like say finances, debt or other major issues similar to this (Then perhaps you need to find a better solution out of it, but together) that the whole relationship is a waste, no grow up. Uno when I got married, we had nothing, we used to sit on the floor of my parent’s cottage on garden chair cushions for a couch and had a small box tv, my bed set from my parents’ home and literally anything else we could get from them, lol (you might say shame or feel sad but when I look back on it man we had some amazing memories that we shared and things we overcame as a couple because we were always open about everything, we never let small issues grow into bigger issues, never went to bed angry. We didn’t have enough to start a life as society would put it now, but we were happy because we saw each other, he saw me, and I saw him.
Wealth can come and go but the love and respect you hold as a couple Is what will really get you through the tough times. But if you are quarrelling over petty things like leaving the clothes on the floor, not picking up after yourself, playing PlayStation, etc. These are things that EVERYONE is going through, normal married life! Unfortunately, I still pick up clothes ten years later, I have given up hope and that is something I laugh about with my other married friends, all normal married couple behaviour, you’re not alone in the struggle its real! 😊.
So, if you have had a bad past, or like to take one day of the month to go out for a meal with friends or you like to go fishing once a year whatever it may be. You need to have discussed or be discussing things to avoid conflict in the marriage. Look I am no marriage counsellor, but I have been happily married for the past 10 years to the love of my life, who I married after 4 months of knowing each other. Crazy whirlwind romance. The thing I admire about my husband is that we have always been able to be open to each other about what happened in our past lives or what we like to indulge in our current lives that where their before marriage. Example: He told me he goes on fishing trips once a year with his friends. So, I went into the marriage knowing and accepting this and we do not fight about it when the time arrives, everyone needs space sometimes it is a natural feeling. Heck it gives me the time I need to also just relax and have space too. You learn that when you have those little breaks away from one another it actually allows the love to grow because you may end up hating the small irritating habits, but you miss the cuddles and kisses at night before bed, or the morning coffee when you talk before work.
My last advice is marriage is love, if you do not love that person enough when you go through hard times then how can you then appreciate the love when you are going through good times? Marriage is sacrifice from both parties, so learn to talk, really talk. This is a forever bond so keep it strong and mend it if it seems a little cracked. Grow together, learn together, and laugh together. But most of all love together, couples are unbreakable when you really see and appreciate the person behind the face.
Thanks for reading – Part 2 out soon.