Coping with the lockdown 2021

An anonymous share from a fellow mom about her tricks to help cope with lockdown in 2021!


Mom, wife, sister, friend, employee, student, homemaker, teacher and caregiver all at the same time all equally demanding attention. 2020 had been exhausting for women and a few men too. After reflecting on the year, I did some thinking on what worked and what didn’t work in trying to manage the up’s and down’s.

Here are some of the things I will be doing this year, which have served me and my family well.

Learning to let go..

Instead of trying to be the perfect mother by tracking how much t.v. my kids watch, what the family eats and how clean the house is, I have learnt to be more forgiving and less rigid. I still beat myself up about a messy kitchen or shoes lying everywhere, but letting go means I spend less energy stressing about it and more energy to focus on the things I can get through. This cut my down my stress making me kinder to my kids.

Let go of waste

Through cutting down what we have in the house that we done use, toys, clothes, and random odds and ends, I have less and less to tidy up. This has made the house more pleasant as well as see the kids imaginations grow with having less toys. I have also opted for smarter organizing in the house.

Play

I love learning alongside my kids so science experiments are great for all of us – and they are so simple surprisingly fast and easy to do, making them the perfect option when I’m taking a quick tea break from work. This way I get to spend time with my kids, let them learn and we have plenty of giggles. The James Dayson Foundation has created challenge cards for kids of all ages that were fun, inexpensive and importantly they don’t take much time!  

Talking about feelings

Talking to my kids about the coronavirus, what is happening and how it affects them has given them the space to ask questions on the anxieties they face. As a school goer, the disruption to her schooling led to anxiety and by talking about our feelings, she managed to express her (strange) fears about the virus and we have worked to reduce her fears. Though talking about our feelings,  we have learnt from one another and have been able to lean on each other for support.

Have dinner together

It sounds simple, but trying to cook after a long days of work, homeschool, cleaning, and exhaustion meant that some dinners would only take place 20 minutes before bedtime! Yet without fail, we sit together and have time to connect.

Some of the best conversations take place around the dinner table.

Mindfulness in Salaah (prayers)

I am learning to use my Salah as a time of mindfulness, a break from the busy-ness and to find some stillness. By immersing myself in my Salah, I find that this gives me a break in the day to be present Allah and to acknowledge without judgement if the day is going well, stressful or just ok. Irrespective it’s a time for regrouping my energy and focus.

Practicing mindfulness “on the go”

This helped me to be more present in my tasks, be it work, play, cleaning or connecting with my husband. So rather than having my mind running on 100 things, I can focus on doing one thing well… well most of the time, I still need a lot of practice, but when I do get it right, the results have been so richly rewarding!

Gratitude

I am choosing to start each day with gratitude is one part of the process of trying to live a life of gratitude. We all know that benefits of gratefulness, and that it takes effort. My biggest lesson in gratefulness is that it does not equate to acceptance – rather it has taught me that fighting – be it for justice or your dreams – is a critical part of grateful living.   

Leverage the past as a resource

A guide for the present is by learning to stop rumination. Rumination is the act of thinking about the same thoughts over and over and over again. When we think about the past, good or bad, the emotions of that event build up in us and this heightens anxiety. Rumination is part of what makes us human, yet it can be dangerous. I have learnt to notice when I am ruminating without feeling bad about it through mindfulness practice and to then focus my energy on the present. Rather than trying to change what happened in the past, I’m trying to focus on how to learn from it.  

Schedule

Planning meals, activities and shopping trips weekly helps me cope better. It relieve the pressure on us to think of what to eat, cook or what to occupy the children with. Building in a routine (that we break every so often without judgement) helps us to cope with the day to day grind.

Having honest conversations

The phrase, don’t bring your home into work, has been shattered. I have learnt that it is not unprofessional to speak up about my needs from work to balance and juggle things. We are all human, so approach topics with empathy and understanding and standing up for myself has been good for me and the company I work for. Not only do people respect my boundaries, but I am more productive.

Letting go of judgement

With billions of people in the world, there can never be only way of doing things. We all have our own quirks, ways of working and our own beliefs on what is important in life. Suspending judgement and seeing people as they are in their own truth is something I am trying to practice daily. It has allowed me to enjoy my relationships with those I love as I respect their way of doing things and not force my opinion. Celebrating our differences for me, makes life richer and more interesting.  


I hope a few items I have spoken about will help you in your 2021 journey to cope with lockdown better. We are all in this together so still connect to those around you and have a blessed year!

Love Anonymous xoxo

Sacred sexuality

Stop wasting time looking for the perfect solution in sex, instead work on creating the perfect love.


To create sacred sexuality it means practicing growing love were we use ourselves to receive and give greater amounts of love through our own spiritual love and growth.

To create a deep love effect in your relationship, find a way or ways to fulfill your partners sexual desires and vice versa, hard work definitely pays off.. and when we learn to compromise others needs in the sensual relationship it makes for a delicious dish that is served best, hot!


Create the environment

Wether the intimacy is planned or it is a spur of the moment rendezvous. Intentions and connection is what makes for great intimacy. So lay out the best and softest sheets, light those candles, use that massage oil and if you feeling a bit peckish nibble on some chocolate, it never hurt anyone.

Has it, lol.

Connect

Connect to your inner self. Your more inner self, do not treat your sexual needs as dirty or bad. It is a deep rooted inner feeling that enhances your own sexual experience. When you are able to know what you enjoy, the experience can be something so beautiful for both partners. Learning to self love and accept is a big part of having a great sex life.

If you remember certain times were the love making was amazing, then talk about that as a couple and try to incorporate some of those items in your time. If a nibble or a sensual touch is what you crave, let it be heard. The more you talk about your likes after a love making event the better it is for you relationship to only grow. The two most important people are sharing one of the most important aspects of a strong loving relationship so never be afraid to say what you like, or what you would like more of!

You cant expect your partner to know what you want if you don’t speak up.

Follow your intuition

Allow yourself to move with the motion, go with the flow if you say so, let it be unique whenever it can be. Do not allow yourselves to fall into the same old..

Being aware and having your full attention on yourself and partner is what is going to allow you to stay in the feeling of each moment. Stay connected and enjoy the time.

Reflect

Lay in the after glow and share the moment. Whether it was a new one or something you finally mastered. Enjoy the growth of your experiences. Connect, grow and love.


Embrace the moment and forget the rest. There is a time for life and a time for love.

Cupping / Hijama Insights – Kerry Abdullah

A light insight to minders day ‘traditional healing.’ From trained Cupping/Hijama therapist Kerry Leigh Abdullah based in Zimbabwe. Kerry gives us a bit of background on the topic of cupping and shares more information on what is is, what different kinds of techniques are used and the benefits. This traditional healing practice is now commonly done all over the world.

FOLLOW @aesthetics_kl on IG

Hijama/cupping has been around for many centuries. Historical evidence suggests Ancient Egyptians, Greeks and Arabs have all been in practice using different methods and techniques but all with the same intention. 

Today cupping is no longer considered ‘traditional healing’ and instead has now become an affordable form of healing without medication involved. Popular with athletes such as Step Curry, Micheal Phelps, James Harrison and many more they have all taken to this remedy as it’s serves great for muscle tension, revitalizing the blood and over all well being. Celebrities have also begun enjoying the amazing benefits cupping has to offer.

James Harrison

Let’s not let the celebrities steer attention away from a practice that is also so beneficial Islamically. Hijama is simply a Sunnah (A practice of the Prophet Muhammad PBUH) in Islam and has so much reward for the cupper and patient – all done with the correct and best intention.

A Hadith (an Islamic teaching of the Prophet PBUH) says – 

Abdullah Ibn Abbas reported that the Messenger of Allah (SAW) said,

“How good is the cupper, removes blood, lightens the back and sharpens the eyesight.”

[al-Tirmidhee,](2053).

from hijamas.com
Benefits of cupping are:

The list is endless and I’m sure to get them all down would be highly impossible. 

Here are some common benefits to remember: 

Benefits of Wet & Dry Cupping 

* Purifies the blood 

* It’s a Sunnah

* Best for treating menstrual issues such as period pain, cysts, infertility, pcos etc..

* Fibromyalgia

* Aids in batting insomnia.

* Controls high Blood Pressure.

* Great for tackling migraines and headaches – just to name a few. 

Dry cupping is an option for a person who for some reason is unable to get cut due to them perhaps being on blood thinning medication such as aspirin.

Benefits of Massage cupping:

* Reduction of Cellulite.

* Tone up muscle and skin. 

* Release of tension in muscles and so many more.

Benefits of  Facial cupping (a personal fave).

* Brighter and healthier skin.

* Reduces dark circles, pigmentation and freckles. 

* Smoother, youthful and supple skin. 

* Tackling acne and scars and many more.. 

The main purpose of cupping is to get fresh blood to stagnated areas where the pain is and relieving that pain through flushing it out. 

When choosing a therapist always ensure they are certified, being cut/cupped incorrectly can lead to further complications. 

Always make your intention and always remember to entrust in Allah (alone) as everything comes from him. 

Yours in cupping

Kerry xx


Follow Kerry on IG @aesthetics_kl.

Make sure if you are keen to try out cupping / Hijama you make an appointment with Kerry and get your 2021 goals of being healthier going. Ladies only.

Kerry is HASA Certified. The Hijama Association of South Africa.

Gratitude in 2021 – Nabeelah Menk

Featured guest post from a lovely follower Nabeelah Menk. She shares her gratitude journey with us through all the struggles she has faced over the past few years and how she has learnt to over come it. For anyone else who has suffered or is currently suffering with any of these related issues I hope you will find inspiration to help you know you can get through it. You are not alone.


If anyone asked me what the greatest lesson I’ve learnt from life so far is, it is this: Gratitude. Being able to appreciate each moment for what it is and thanking Allaah for it.

Having been through post partum depression twice, having been suicidal, and gone through anxiety panic disorder, having faced many medical complications and living with a chronic autoimmune condition, I have learnt a lot about how to cope, Alhamdulillaah. Having overcome my mental issues, I am grateful everyday for every blessing that Allaah has bestowed upon me. The gratitude just increases His bounties. It is His promise and truly, I have witnessed that in my own life.

Be grateful, even for the difficult times you go through, you learn so much and you come out of them stronger and wiser.

A few simple yet very effective things I have learnt through the challenges I have faced on my journey so far:

1. Be you. Be honest, be kind, yet be firm in setting your boundaries. Don’t let go of your morals and values for someone else. It is never worth it.

2. Don’t let others’ opinions of you bother you.
This is very difficult to achieve, but once you get this, it makes your life so peaceful.
People will always have something to say, no matter what it is you do. So do what is right for you, keeping Allaah’s limits in mind.

3. Be mindful. Live each moment in the present, because no one is guaranteed tomorrow.

4. Let go of what you cannot control. Don’t worry and stress over things that are outside of your control. Do what you can, try your best and leave things in His hands, because He is the best of planners.

5. Don’t hold on to the past. Learn from it and let it go. Forgive. There is nothing to be gained from holding grudges. I read somewhere that holding on to grudges is like carrying a sack in which you place a potato for every grudge. The longer you hold on to it, the heavier it feels and the more the potatoes rot. Lay down that sack and let go of those rotten potatoes. You deserve to breathe clean, fresh, revitalizing air, which is not possible if you’re carrying around a sack of rotten potatoes.

6. Forgive people in the same way you would like Allaah to forgive you.
You can also keep your distance from such people. That’s okay. Forgiveness does not automatically mean interacting closely with them again. Being polite while maintaining minimal contact for your own mental health is just fine. Letting go of the grudge is more for yourself than for them.
Don’t give people and their actions more importance than they deserve.

7. Acknowledge your own accomplishments. You are doing the best you can. You are trying and that is what is important. Be content. Be happy. Be grateful.
You are unique and Allaah has blessed you.

Love Nabeelah


Working from home with kids.

I write this article because I really feel like being a mother and working through this pandemic has been a hard road not only for myself but others too. Trying to balance work whether you are employed, self employed, on an entrepreneurial journey, an influencer or if I am being truthful just being a stay at home mom as your career is a job in itself, is a challenging just as any job out there too.

Sometimes I feel like working from home is just impossible at times. As you are trying to have a meeting or send an email out or your trying to meet a deadline on a project. There they are raiding the pantry, or one is fighting with the other and all you are hearing is “muuum this one is doing that, muuum that one is doing this!!”.

I got interrupted about 5 times whilst writing this article, lol.

Now I am not saying this to discourage anyone currently working from home, but it is just a message to let you know that honestly, it’s not just you, or your kids — it’s just that hard. Even if you do have a helper or a big yard for them to play in. The concentration you really need to get things done is hard to channel and not everyone has the patience to look past it.

If you are a night worker you might just get away with it as the kids will be sleeping but, if your a day worker you got to know your magical tricks to get work done with all the chaos. Especially if you have more than one child and they are under the age of 6.

Mothers are the primary focus in the household so no matter when it is, in the day or night you will be called up to do that parenting duty. Sometimes whether you can spare that time or not during your work schedule. Kids more so I think rely on their mums for most things at home, dads and others can get away with more time to spend on tasks at hand.

So when you are now working from home more often with the added stress of a global pandemic, take the time to try and make things a little less stressful for yourself with these few tips:

  1. Just know that the kids will all take turns coming to ask loads of questions on random things most times or even to just to show you a picture — So make sure to have planned yourself for this and know that there is really nothing you can do sometimes. Especially if there is no one around to help you at home. Mind over matter most times in this, don’t allow yourself get pushed to the thin line. Make a thicker line with a marker, lol. (Light humour trying to be added).

2. Take breaks – take breaks and take breaks. No one can work from home for hours straight without it. We are only human so if you can still make your deadlines then take advantage of it. Spend those few minutes with the kids so they will also get a good dose of mom and be okay for a few minutes again without you.

3. Lastly just know you are doing your best and most people are going through what you are. So push on and keep doing what you know you can do at your best. I also struggle most days, but I tell myself every day is different and will continue to be different so take it day by day. Sometimes when you plan, it doesn’t works out and it’s ok.

Lots of love, Saadiyah. xoxo

Something I did not expect as a first time mom

When my hubby and I first found out we were expecting our first child there was a wonderful atmosphere around it and a sense of happiness that could not be explained. I had enjoyed the trimesters with no issues and loved every moment of it. Feeling our child growing and also a new love and respect growing more between us as a couple knowing that this was our baby that was coming into the world.

I think the pregnancy was like a dream and I say this only because after giving birth to our beautiful daughter, I felt like I did not have any “real” knowledge of what the journey ahead would be after the she was born, I mean no one really tells you the truths of motherhood – well when I was pregnant there was no one to tell me.

So now looking back on this first time experience, something was amiss and it was nothing the pregnancy or becoming a mother books try to or actually teach you….

It was – support.

Support from other parents who also had a new child who I could rely on for their support with their stories and then, also the sudden sense of my life changing from my normal actions of day to day routine to something totally new. What crept up after that was fear, the fear of loosing who I was and it crept up faster than a spider running up your leg! Scary, right?

I mean bringing your new child into a new world is not just a world wind in itself but it is also the transition of yourself into motherhood and now leaving your personal one person attention mindset and giving it all to another little life. This is one of the first time mom issues that I was never spoken to about and maybe it was because of the times I grew up in or just that no one wanted to admit they struggled too for show of face in the community.

The reality is most mothers including myself at the time of my first child felt alone because of the way people went about treating new mothers. Telling them everything is ok and you will get used to it like after a week or two. It is not only your changed body you are dealing with but it is your emotional state you are also tag teaming with at the same time. It is not an easy journey to go through alone and you don’t have to be alone.

What emotional grief could most of us have been spared if we were only given a more realistic idea, or invited into real conversations on new real motherhood emotions after birth.

But let us talk about the road to or lets say the beginning of my motherhood journey.

The journey began to find my way.

I was isolated with my fears and lonely at the best of days going through this struggle. I thought, but where is everyone now?

I did not attend any groups or mom clubs. I suppose I never made much effort to look for them. But I did make time to read up on motherhood experiences from other blogs and also to my unknown delight I found an unexpected friend who I got share my experiences with and who had just had a baby a few weeks prior to me.

The honest truth is that the hours I spent online and the time spent with my new found mother friend. I ended up finding my courage and it allowed me to feel the normal ups and downs (as I do still up to today with three lovely kids – there is no embarrassment in that) of motherhood. I started to believe in my abilities of who I was as a mother and how I was bringing up my child and embraced it. There is no right or wrong way to be a new mom or even a current long standing mom. The only right way is to believe in your way of upbringing your child and make sure to follow it through.

You turned out great, and so will you child. You are enough and you always have been!

It may not have been as easy as people perceived my journey to be but, it did come with a great sense of relief when it was discovered. So find a friend, follow a blog or even become that friend to someone who has just started that journey. No matter what, you are never alone, during the good and bad.

It is OK to cut toxic people out

In light of 2020 sort of being a turning point in many people’s lives and making them see what is really good for them and what has actually been negative for them, I write this post in hope to help people who are surrounded by people who make them feel bad, lower their standards and even self-worth to become strong enough to say “No, it is OK to cut these people off”.

Or more so distance yourself more from the relationship to avoid the pain and hurt.

It is not an easy journey you will be on, because it could be friends or family members that will be cut off. But I am not here to tell you who to cut off, in yourself you will know who are the culprits in your downfall and have a distinct gut feeling when you are around them to know this. So have a think and remind yourself you are great and if certain people cannot see your shine, let them go.

For me example with me, If I already feel like there is a pattern in a relationship friendship even family, I will cut them out. Not in the sense where I will be rude and tell them to F off because that is not my personality unless the action was truly horrendous. I will still be polite enough when I see them in public to greet but as from the moment I realize the relationship is not good for me, I will cut it off because you need people who are going to make you happy and bring you up. Someone who cannot take criticism and move on without an argument or tell you you’re not good enough at something are people who don’t care too much for your well-being.

The reality is that the percentage of people pretend to be adults when a simple conversation can’t be held if there is an issue. Can we not talk about a problem rather than backbiting, or ghosting each other?

I love the idea of a “real friendship” the ones you see on television. The fights happen and sometimes truths are told but they always become friends again even if they don’t talk for a month or two. They learn to realize that whatever happened was a truth not to hurt the other person but to maybe make them see something in their eyes as a friend that needed to be addressed.

Does understanding a person’s life and their individual flaws not only make them human and you human? Everyone in this life is going through some type of problem and we all need people who are positive enough and believing enough to support us. So let us take a step back if we cannot talk out a problem to a friend or family member for them to see the hurt they cause us, to rather say maybe it’s time to distance our relationship and maybe even one day save the relationship with real talk and un-hurtful conversations when the time is right.

Self-doubt is contagious – so be careful of who you spend your time with.

Hygiene tips for women

Being a woman is hard. We deal with many various things on a daily basis from home, work and kids. So in this video I am going to chat about some hygiene tips for woman.

INGROWNS

Many of us may struggle with ingrowns especially if we shave. An ingrown hair is one that’s grown back into your skin instead of rising up from it. Sometimes, the dead skin can clog the hair follicle. This will then force the hair to grow sideways under your skin, rather than up and out. Interesting right? If you wear very tight jeans or underwear, try to loosen things up too as this can also cause ingrown hairs too.

Treatment
  1. Exfoliate your skin before you shave. (I use a coffee scrub: 3 tbsp coffee granules, 3 tbsp brown sugar and 1/2 cup slightly cooled coconut oil and 1 tsp vanilla extract. Mix in a jar and let it sit and slightly harden before in your shower for you use it for shaving. Note I only use this on my legs for shaving but I do use it as a general body scrub on other days.
  2. Make sure you are using quite hot water as the steam also opens up your pores for a smoother shave.
  3. Use a sharp blade. If your blade is getting blunt, throw it out there is no use for it anymore. Do not forget to rinse after each stroke.
  4. Shave in the same direction your hair is growing. This is especially true for your more private areas.
  5. Moisturize after you shower.
  6. If you do not want to shave try going for laser to remove the hair follicle for good.
DIET

The food and drink choices we make every day affect our health now and later in life too. So choosing healthy foods and drinks more often can help prevent or manage many health problems that affect women. The healthier the body the healthier the mind is too. The food and drink we eat also plays a part in the way we smell and the way our outer skin is affected too. Lots of breakouts? headaches? itchiness? Try to improve your daily diet today.

Tips
  1. Drink lots of water. Yes there will be many trips to the bathroom on a daily but you are also flushing out toxins and hydrating your body. This helps your skin hydrate and also causes you to crave less junk food. Did I mention great for your skin!
  2. Include the three prime nutrients carbs, proteins and fats. If you are over 30 you need to increase your protein intake to improve metabolic rate and calorie burning potential. Also, increase the intake of complex carbs. (these include: )
  3. Try to make breakfast the heaviest meal of the day while evenly trying to distribute carb, protein and fat intake. Protein and fat intake should be 15-20% of your diet, then have filling healthy lunch and light dinner.
Mulitvitamins

If you are highly athletic or spend most of your time in the office or at home, every woman needs to maintain good nutrition. Not getting enough of each essential vitamin and mineral every day can reduce your reproductive health, and a nutrient-deficient diet can also harm your overall health and well-being. Eating healthily a few times a week is not enough to give your body all the vitamins and minerals it needs.

What your multi vitamin should include:

  1. Vitamin D helps our bodies absorb calcium, which is important for bone health.
  2. Magnesium is an essential nutrient,it is best known for being important to our bone health and energy production.
  3. Calcium for strong bones and teeth.
  4. Zinc supports our immune system and helps our body use carbohydrates, protein, and fat for energy. It also aids in wound healing.
  5. Iron supports better brain function, increased energy and healthy red blood cells.
  6. Folate (or folic acid) is best known for aiding in fetus development and preventing birth defects. But great also if you’re growing out your nails, fighting depression, or looking to combat inflammation.
  7. Vitamin B-12 sustains our body’s energy supply by breaking down the micro nutrients we consume (fats, proteins, carbs).
Periods

Menstrual hygiene is somehow a taboo topic that many girls even maybe some woman need to understand better. If you are not doing this already here are some tips to help you along the way with your monthly journey.

  1. On your heavier days. Change your pads or tampons every four hours at the least. You can lessen the amount later on dependig on the flow. This helps you with less over flow/mess and even smell.
  2. Wash your vaginal area with water after your toilet trips if you are not a muslim already and practising this habit. Also when you shower practice good hygiene wash with a little soapy water around the flips and flaps.
  3. Wear clean comfortable underwear, tight thongs or underwear made of fabric that doesn’t allow your skin to breathe could also lead to infections.
  4. Wash your panties. Wash them even if you think you dont smell every woman has their own individual scent that is left on their underwear. Keep it clean ladies!
Vaginal Care

If you do not care for your vagina she could turn into the incredible hulk! and you will not like her when she is angry. Lol. Here are some tips to keep your downstairs looking and feeling as good as the upstairs.

  1. Do not Douche. Like seriously ladies. Your vagina is self cleaning. The vagina already has healthy bacteria that maintain its harmony, The moment you add new chemicals to it you are disrupting your system. Please stop this habit.
  2. Stop using scented soaps down there. Scented body wash may be great for other pats of the body, but it doesn’t belong anywhere near your genitals. It can cause dryness to that already sensitive skin. You really only need to rinse with warm water to keep things clean down there. if your not keen on going soap free stick with a plain, gentle, unscented soap.
  3. Pat your lady dry, no need to dry it to death with your towel. Gentle drying needed only.
  4. Look at her once in a while. Just because your vulva never sees the light of day doesn’t mean you can’t get skin cancer or other skin conditions down there. So check your vulva and the surrounding skin using a mirror when you do self-examinations to check for signs of skin cancer. “Look out for any new moles, birthmarks, or skin tags and anything that’s repeatedly scabbing or bleeding,” If you have concerns call your GP.
  5. Hello Lube, goodbye dryness. Lube is underrated and underused! You should be well lubricated for having sex because it helps prevent microtears in and around the vagina, which can become infected. Nothing to be ashamed of. Women do get d=self lubed when aroused but using a little lube never killed anyone, it will actually improve it and make it hotter!
  6. After sex, make sure you rinse with water first then wipe. Your cleaning all the dirt off before wiping it down. Less infections caused.
  7. Use cotton and breathable panties or hell go commando girl! It’s all about that breathability—cotton lets air in and absorbs moisture. While going commando well.. uno :p
  8. Do kegels it helps strengthen your pelvic floor muscles, which then helps reduce strain on your pelvic organs, and improves bladder and bowel function. Oh, and they can make your orgasms stronger, too!!!

Gender based violence. Anonymous submission.

We have recieved a submission from one of our followers who is interested to share theire thoughts on this topic anonymously. Please note that this has been shared privately with the blog and we are happy share the thoughts of this topic with our readers. No hateful comments or abuse will be allowed as comments. This blog is meant to be a safe place where many stories and thoughts can be shared with our readers and allow voices to be heard. If you would like to submit please email us at submissions@momscaping.co.za . Stories will be revised and if it is relevant to the blog and our readers we will accept it for publishing.



I would like to first touch slightly on an Islamic viewpoint as I have researched certain topics surrounding this abuse topic. I am of Muslim faith in case you would be interested to know . The one thing that i grew up seeing was the Muslim communities who want to neglect the fact that Islamically even in our Shariah law, Islam forbids us to treat another human being in such a manner. Various communities worldwide have created a stigma of divorce, Islam does not stigmatise divorce. They have created this unrealistic idea that a woman should stay with the man when she is under abuse. WHY? It is not your husband who provided to you in your marriage it is Allah (SWT) and he will continue to provide for the both of you after you part ways. So, if your marriage is so bad and negative should you not just part ways? If it can be done amicably then it is best to part ways than to keep inflicting pain and hardship to one another. In the eyes of the communities the abusers are normally seen as the most kind, the most giving but in the home but they bring fear and are despised from the wife, family members and even the children for the hurt that they bring. Dont be hypocrite. Take your faith and follow it to the best that you can do. We will only answer to one person at the end of this life test.

Allah says in the Quran: “Do not hold onto your wives only to cause them more harm.” And if this is your Ni’ah (intention), you are not doing this Dhulm (oppression) to your wife, you are doing it to yourself.

But please do not think I am targeting only the Muslim communities this as this happens in lots of other religious homes and cultures. But, I do not speak on other religious items that I do not have knowledge on.

Lately on the news there seems to have been spread that there is a spike in gender-based violence since the lockdown has been lifted in South Africa and the allowance of alcohol has been brought back into sale. A hot topic on the news channels of late I must say. The President , Mr Ramaphosa has expressed his distaste towards this vile behaviour. It has aggravated the being inside of me. So, this is also why I decided to share this article with momscaping to share my thoughts. You do not know me, but you may know the ladies who are going through these things, suffering in silence, or trying to get help and not being heard.

We know there are two types of abuse that many women suffer with around the world with, not only in South Africa. It is Physical and Emotional abuse. In the Arabic terminology emotional abuse is called Tukabbih, it is when a man makes his wife feel ugly and negative about herself and demeans her in a nasty manner. Even if you do not physically hit a woman this emotional abuse is also a hard hitter and it is also probably the most common type of abuse currently.

So to the many woman out there, know you are stronger than any person who has caused you the pain of abuse, you have endured this for how many a long time that you may have, this is strength so use this fear to build up your insecurities and independance to get the help you need and get out if nothing changes, this is after you have taken the steps first to sort the issue out internally first. Do not let fear take the joy out of your life. If your partner cannot change then the sad reality is that they will never change, unfortunately these stats are quite low. Belive in yourself and know you are capable of more and feel at peace knowing you are safer.

Another Interesting fact that most cases are caused by alcohol usage in South Africa and possibly worldwide and seemingly during the ban of alcohol sales there seemed to be a drop in severity of the reported cases of domestic violence cases reported in South Africa during level 5 and 4. Although Sober partners still could be abusive and controlling, they may be less inclined to turn to violence and could have stuck to emotional abuse instead. What are your thoughts?

Did you know? Gender-based violence is an inequality to mainly the female gender and it continues to be one of the most notable human rights violations within all societies around the world. I would also like to mention that both women and men experience gender-based violence but most victims are women and girls in their highest numbers.


Facts and figures from UN WOMEN.

Various forms of violence

  • It is estimated that 35 per cent of women worldwide have experienced either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or sexual violence by a non-partner (not including sexual harassment) at some point in their lives. However, some national studies show that up to 70 per cent of women have experienced physical and/or sexual violence from an intimate partner in their lifetime. Evidence shows that women who have experienced physical or sexual intimate partner violence report higher rates of depression, having an abortion and acquiring HIV, compared to women who have not [1].
  • Similar to data from other regions, in all four countries of a multi-country study from the Middle East and North Africa, men who witnessed their fathers using violence against their mothers, and men who experienced some form of violence at home as children, were significantly more likely to report perpetrating intimate partner violence in their adult relationships. For example, in Lebanon the likelihood of perpetrating physical violence was more than three times higher among men who had witnessed their fathers beating their mothers during childhood than those who did not [2].

TO READ MORE CLICK https://www.unwomen.org/en/what-we-do/ending-violence-against-women/facts-and-figures


People to contact if you or someone you know is experiencing this–

The Gender-Based Violence Command Centre (GBVCC) – operates under The Department of Social Development. The Centre operates a National, 24hr/7days-a-week Call Centre facility. The facility employs social workers who are responsible for call-taking and call referrals. The Centre operates an Emergency Line number – 0800 428 428. This is supported by a USSD, “please call me” facility: *120*7867#. A Skype Line ‘Helpme GBV’ for members of the deaf community also exists. (Add ‘Helpme GBV’ to your Skype contacts). An SMS Based Line 31531 for persons with disabilities (SMS ‘help’ to 31531) also exists. The Centre is able to refer calls directly to SAPS (10111) and field Social Workers who respond to victims of GBV.

Stop Women Abuse – 0800 150 150
Toll-free Legal Aid Advice Line – 0800 110 110 for free legal aid if you who cannot afford one.

SAPS Emergency Services10111

Easy D.I.Y Facemasks

With more than enough time on my hands I want to share a few face masks that you can make at home and that are affordable. You probably have most of the ingredients in your pantry too! So when you feel like a bit of extra pampering along with your Netflix or relaxation time. Try one out and let me know how it is for you.

Ingredients listed below in the masks:

Tumeric – helps reduce acne and any resulting scars. The anti-inflammatory qualities can target your pores and calm the skin.

Plain Yoghurt – Adds moisture and brightens skin. It also fights acne.

Raw Honey – Speeds up skin cells healing process and helps fight acne as it helps balance bacteria on the skin.

Oats – contains avenanthramides, antioxidant and anti-inflammatory compounds that soothe itchy, dry and irritated skin.

Gram Flour – helps gently exfoliate flaky skin and dead cells on skin. (Find this at most spice shops.)

Rose water – it has anti-inflammatory properties that can help reduce the redness of irritated skin, get rid of acne, dermatitis and eczema. It is a great cleanser and aids in removing oil and dirt accumulated in clogged pores. (Find this at most spice shops.)

Lemon Juice – is a great antioxidant. It naturally contains vitamin C, an antioxidant that may help reduce skin damage and premature aging.

Milk powder – acts as a great cleanser. The lactic acid in it lightens and smoothens skin. It gives the new skin formation a boost.


honey and oatmeal
Oatmeal mask

Mix up all the ingredients in a bowl, smooth a thin layer over clean skin, and leave it on for about 10 minutes. Rinse off.

Beauty mode mask

Mix up all the ingredients in a bowl, add one layer over skin, and leave it on for about 10 minutes or till starts to dry. Rinse off. Then use a facewash and continue to moisturise there after. This is my weekly and favourite mask!

Yoghurt and Tumeric mask
  • 1 teaspoon turmeric powder
  • 2 tablespoons plain yogurt.

Mix up then add to your face leave for 15 minutes. Make sure to not just use tumeric on its own as it has the tendancy to stain the skin to a wierd jaunduce looking color! Rinse and then continue with usual face wash and moisturize routine.

Lemon and Honey mask
  • 1/2 Juice of a lemon
  • 1 tablespoon honey

Mix up then add to your face leave for 15 minutes. Rinse with warm water. Continue with face wash and moisturizer.

Milk powder mask
  • 1/4 cup milk powder

Mix up with enough water to form a thick paste, then add to your face till dry. Rinse with warm water. Continue with face wash and moisturizer.

If you try any of these masks. Tag us @mom_scaping ,I would love to hear from you.