Sacred sexuality

Stop wasting time looking for the perfect solution in sex, instead work on creating the perfect love.


To create sacred sexuality it means practicing growing love were we use ourselves to receive and give greater amounts of love through our own spiritual love and growth.

To create a deep love effect in your relationship, find a way or ways to fulfill your partners sexual desires and vice versa, hard work definitely pays off.. and when we learn to compromise others needs in the sensual relationship it makes for a delicious dish that is served best, hot!


Create the environment

Wether the intimacy is planned or it is a spur of the moment rendezvous. Intentions and connection is what makes for great intimacy. So lay out the best and softest sheets, light those candles, use that massage oil and if you feeling a bit peckish nibble on some chocolate, it never hurt anyone.

Has it, lol.

Connect

Connect to your inner self. Your more inner self, do not treat your sexual needs as dirty or bad. It is a deep rooted inner feeling that enhances your own sexual experience. When you are able to know what you enjoy, the experience can be something so beautiful for both partners. Learning to self love and accept is a big part of having a great sex life.

If you remember certain times were the love making was amazing, then talk about that as a couple and try to incorporate some of those items in your time. If a nibble or a sensual touch is what you crave, let it be heard. The more you talk about your likes after a love making event the better it is for you relationship to only grow. The two most important people are sharing one of the most important aspects of a strong loving relationship so never be afraid to say what you like, or what you would like more of!

You cant expect your partner to know what you want if you don’t speak up.

Follow your intuition

Allow yourself to move with the motion, go with the flow if you say so, let it be unique whenever it can be. Do not allow yourselves to fall into the same old..

Being aware and having your full attention on yourself and partner is what is going to allow you to stay in the feeling of each moment. Stay connected and enjoy the time.

Reflect

Lay in the after glow and share the moment. Whether it was a new one or something you finally mastered. Enjoy the growth of your experiences. Connect, grow and love.


Embrace the moment and forget the rest. There is a time for life and a time for love.

Marriage advice – part 2

The secret to a happy marriage? There is no specific trick or exact recipe for it, because each couple and relationship is very different from couple to couple. There is a guideline I would say to what makes them work and in this new post we will be going through these guidelines that can be followed to suit your relationship and keep your marriage and relationship blossoming. This post is specifically focused on arguments, staying flexible and keeping the curiosity alive in your partner.

Appreciate the positives, look past the small negatives.

We should always remember that no matter what bad is said in the heat of an argument between husband and wife, that our relationships have been and are wonderful for more good than bad that is why we are in long prosperous relationships. Do not let small quarrels become a thorn in our beautiful rose garden. The more thorns we accumulate the harder it will become to keep maintaining our roses. In this case the roses are referred to as our memories as couples, the milestones we have overcome, small or large meaningful gestures and the love, respect and appreciation we show as couples to one another.

Always remember your partners efforts, do not let them go un-acknowledged. Each partner shows love and appreciation to their spouses in different ways so don’t look at your partner in a less loving way because he doesn’t buy you a bouquet of flowers every week or take you on shopping sprees every month. He may take you out to dinner twice a month or even make you breakfast every weekend or be the most amazing father to your kids or best son in law to your parents, I don’t know.

So what I’m saying is cherish what you as couples share together because those are your special times, appreciate your relationship quirks and do not compare it to other peoples. You never fell in love and decided to marry those people you may be comparing yourself too. Always remember why you chose to spend your life with your spouse and lock the negative out, throw that dam key away! Your marriage is beautiful, yes our spouses can irritate the crap out of us at times but this is only what makes your relationship real. It doesn’t mean that there is a problem, you are normal and so is your marriage. Let it pass through. Make sure you give the situation everything you can at that moment in time and you will flourish because you know what your relationship and bond is created by and you are not creating a false pretense that may not ever happen that will create a negativity unnecessarily.

Stay curious – move our of your comfort zone.

To grow and to keep growing as couples requires you to be curious. There’s no way around it! I think by being curious together strengthens your relationship. For example; if one partner loves the outdoors and wants to share a weekend away with you, share the curiosity because this is a gesture of love. Your spouse is making the effort to want to share something meaningful to them with the person they love. Let go of your personal comfort zone and share this moment with them. Or if there is something spicy that one wants to try well, get on board it might only be that one time and awkward moment and then you never have to do it again, you will probably end up laughing about it. Or it could be something you both enjoy and want to keep exploring. Share your curiosity, live freely and stay curious with your partner.

Prioritize Sex

Just because you have kids doesn’t mean you forget how to make love. Make this a priority! Fortunately, you have the solution, the solution is a pretty simple one: make time for sex. We are busy all in our own ways, but if you cant make it happen put it on a schedule  girl dayyum. This is such an important aspect of marriage, we as human beings need this affection and if we don’t get it. Well don’t you just feel like something is missing? So get to planning if you need to and keep this special and very intimate part of the relationship blooming too. It just needs a little TLC.

Part 3 coming soon!

Marriage advice – Part 1

Whether your situation is either, you have been together for years and take the decision then to get married or you are engaged for a year and after this then wait to get married, or you either moved in with each other to get to know each other and then take this big decision. Uno there are many ways around the marriage topic. Heck it could have even been arranged and if you get the opportunity to talk, talk!

One thing I will always advise people I know who are in the stages of getting married or are even with their partner already, who ask for my advice is honesty. I cannot express how much emphasis couples need to put into this. Guys you are going to spend the rest of your life with this person so try and avoid the lies and the bad habits and just be open before you make this commitment. If you feel you cannot deal with the things going forward then do not get married, simple. Marriage is more working on that relationship consistently and always talking than just you sitting around putting your hands up and saying, “Well I told him/her once about the problem and they don’t listen or understand so that’s it, divorce”. Do not think you are going in the marriage to change them, because you would not like to be changed too. You accept each other whole heartedly, because everyone has faults and flaws.

Learn to share everyday with each other, nothing is too small or unimportant to talk about.

I think if your old enough or actually mature enough to think you are ready to marry, be ready for a road filled with obstacles because marriage is not going to be rosy all the time. Yes, all couples quarrel, it does not mean that because you quarrel, and I mean quarrel does not fight constantly over major issues like say finances, debt or other major issues similar to this (Then perhaps you need to find a better solution out of it, but together) that the whole relationship is a waste, no grow up. Uno when I got married, we had nothing, we used to sit on the floor of my parent’s cottage on garden chair cushions for a couch and had a small box tv, my bed set from my parents’ home and literally anything else we could get from them, lol (you might say shame or feel sad but when I look back on it man we had some amazing memories that we shared and things we overcame as a couple because we were always open about everything, we never let small issues grow into bigger issues, never went to bed angry. We didn’t have enough to start a life as society would put it now, but we were happy because we saw each other, he saw me, and I saw him.

Wealth can come and go but the love and respect you hold as a couple Is what will really get you through the tough times. But if you are quarrelling over petty things like leaving the clothes on the floor, not picking up after yourself, playing PlayStation, etc. These are things that EVERYONE is going through, normal married life! Unfortunately, I still pick up clothes ten years later, I have given up hope and that is something I laugh about with my other married friends, all normal married couple behaviour, you’re not alone in the struggle its real! 😊.

So, if you have had a bad past, or like to take one day of the month to go out for a meal with friends or you like to go fishing once a year whatever it may be. You need to have discussed or be discussing things to avoid conflict in the marriage. Look I am no marriage counsellor, but I have been happily married for the past 10 years to the love of my life, who I married after 4 months of knowing each other. Crazy whirlwind romance. The thing I admire about my husband is that we have always been able to be open to each other about what happened in our past lives or what we like to indulge in our current lives that where their before marriage. Example: He told me he goes on fishing trips once a year with his friends. So, I went into the marriage knowing and accepting this and we do not fight about it when the time arrives, everyone needs space sometimes it is a natural feeling. Heck it gives me the time I need to also just relax and have space too. You learn that when you have those little breaks away from one another it actually allows the love to grow because you may end up hating the small irritating habits, but you miss the cuddles and kisses at night before bed, or the morning coffee when you talk before work.

My last advice is marriage is love, if you do not love that person enough when you go through hard times then how can you then appreciate the love when you are going through good times? Marriage is sacrifice from both parties, so learn to talk, really talk. This is a forever bond so keep it strong and mend it if it seems a little cracked. Grow together, learn together, and laugh together. But most of all love together, couples are unbreakable when you really see and appreciate the person behind the face.

Thanks for reading – Part 2 out soon.

Gender based violence. Anonymous submission.

We have recieved a submission from one of our followers who is interested to share theire thoughts on this topic anonymously. Please note that this has been shared privately with the blog and we are happy share the thoughts of this topic with our readers. No hateful comments or abuse will be allowed as comments. This blog is meant to be a safe place where many stories and thoughts can be shared with our readers and allow voices to be heard. If you would like to submit please email us at submissions@momscaping.co.za . Stories will be revised and if it is relevant to the blog and our readers we will accept it for publishing.



I would like to first touch slightly on an Islamic viewpoint as I have researched certain topics surrounding this abuse topic. I am of Muslim faith in case you would be interested to know . The one thing that i grew up seeing was the Muslim communities who want to neglect the fact that Islamically even in our Shariah law, Islam forbids us to treat another human being in such a manner. Various communities worldwide have created a stigma of divorce, Islam does not stigmatise divorce. They have created this unrealistic idea that a woman should stay with the man when she is under abuse. WHY? It is not your husband who provided to you in your marriage it is Allah (SWT) and he will continue to provide for the both of you after you part ways. So, if your marriage is so bad and negative should you not just part ways? If it can be done amicably then it is best to part ways than to keep inflicting pain and hardship to one another. In the eyes of the communities the abusers are normally seen as the most kind, the most giving but in the home but they bring fear and are despised from the wife, family members and even the children for the hurt that they bring. Dont be hypocrite. Take your faith and follow it to the best that you can do. We will only answer to one person at the end of this life test.

Allah says in the Quran: “Do not hold onto your wives only to cause them more harm.” And if this is your Ni’ah (intention), you are not doing this Dhulm (oppression) to your wife, you are doing it to yourself.

But please do not think I am targeting only the Muslim communities this as this happens in lots of other religious homes and cultures. But, I do not speak on other religious items that I do not have knowledge on.

Lately on the news there seems to have been spread that there is a spike in gender-based violence since the lockdown has been lifted in South Africa and the allowance of alcohol has been brought back into sale. A hot topic on the news channels of late I must say. The President , Mr Ramaphosa has expressed his distaste towards this vile behaviour. It has aggravated the being inside of me. So, this is also why I decided to share this article with momscaping to share my thoughts. You do not know me, but you may know the ladies who are going through these things, suffering in silence, or trying to get help and not being heard.

We know there are two types of abuse that many women suffer with around the world with, not only in South Africa. It is Physical and Emotional abuse. In the Arabic terminology emotional abuse is called Tukabbih, it is when a man makes his wife feel ugly and negative about herself and demeans her in a nasty manner. Even if you do not physically hit a woman this emotional abuse is also a hard hitter and it is also probably the most common type of abuse currently.

So to the many woman out there, know you are stronger than any person who has caused you the pain of abuse, you have endured this for how many a long time that you may have, this is strength so use this fear to build up your insecurities and independance to get the help you need and get out if nothing changes, this is after you have taken the steps first to sort the issue out internally first. Do not let fear take the joy out of your life. If your partner cannot change then the sad reality is that they will never change, unfortunately these stats are quite low. Belive in yourself and know you are capable of more and feel at peace knowing you are safer.

Another Interesting fact that most cases are caused by alcohol usage in South Africa and possibly worldwide and seemingly during the ban of alcohol sales there seemed to be a drop in severity of the reported cases of domestic violence cases reported in South Africa during level 5 and 4. Although Sober partners still could be abusive and controlling, they may be less inclined to turn to violence and could have stuck to emotional abuse instead. What are your thoughts?

Did you know? Gender-based violence is an inequality to mainly the female gender and it continues to be one of the most notable human rights violations within all societies around the world. I would also like to mention that both women and men experience gender-based violence but most victims are women and girls in their highest numbers.


Facts and figures from UN WOMEN.

Various forms of violence

  • It is estimated that 35 per cent of women worldwide have experienced either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or sexual violence by a non-partner (not including sexual harassment) at some point in their lives. However, some national studies show that up to 70 per cent of women have experienced physical and/or sexual violence from an intimate partner in their lifetime. Evidence shows that women who have experienced physical or sexual intimate partner violence report higher rates of depression, having an abortion and acquiring HIV, compared to women who have not [1].
  • Similar to data from other regions, in all four countries of a multi-country study from the Middle East and North Africa, men who witnessed their fathers using violence against their mothers, and men who experienced some form of violence at home as children, were significantly more likely to report perpetrating intimate partner violence in their adult relationships. For example, in Lebanon the likelihood of perpetrating physical violence was more than three times higher among men who had witnessed their fathers beating their mothers during childhood than those who did not [2].

TO READ MORE CLICK https://www.unwomen.org/en/what-we-do/ending-violence-against-women/facts-and-figures


People to contact if you or someone you know is experiencing this–

The Gender-Based Violence Command Centre (GBVCC) – operates under The Department of Social Development. The Centre operates a National, 24hr/7days-a-week Call Centre facility. The facility employs social workers who are responsible for call-taking and call referrals. The Centre operates an Emergency Line number – 0800 428 428. This is supported by a USSD, “please call me” facility: *120*7867#. A Skype Line ‘Helpme GBV’ for members of the deaf community also exists. (Add ‘Helpme GBV’ to your Skype contacts). An SMS Based Line 31531 for persons with disabilities (SMS ‘help’ to 31531) also exists. The Centre is able to refer calls directly to SAPS (10111) and field Social Workers who respond to victims of GBV.

Stop Women Abuse – 0800 150 150
Toll-free Legal Aid Advice Line – 0800 110 110 for free legal aid if you who cannot afford one.

SAPS Emergency Services10111

Conversations you need to have with your partner

If you thought of marriage being a bed of roses and filled with only happiness, then you might want to re-think it. Marriage is like a thousand different things all at once. It takes hard work to make a marriage work ecspecially in the times we live in. There is good and bad, happiness and sadness, comfort and worry and it can all happen even at the same time!

Once you pass the wonderous honeymoon stage, reality of what you can overcome together becomes real. Then expenses, stress, children, work all become the reality of marriage. You will find that through juggling life with drop off’s, pick up’s, jobs, homework, housework, pets and keeping a home afloat, the love or ‘time’ we spend with one another lessen’s and we forget to talk about the things that actually matter.


A man went into the woods to hunt, but lost his way. For days he wandered in the forest, disorientated and confused, desperately trying to find his way out. He was hopeless.
     After some time, he saw another man approaching in the distance. At last, he thought to himself, “a person who knows how to get out of this forest.” When they met, he asked the man, “My brother, can you tell me the way out of this forest? I have been wandering for days, but have been unable to find the way.”
     The other fellow answered, “Brother, I do not know the way out either. I, too, have been wandering about these woods for days. Let us journey on together. Perhaps, side by side, we can figure a way out.” The man was no longer hopeless.

Companionship makes our suffering tolerable. A journey faced alone may sometimes seem wonderful, till you face a problem that could have been better solved together. It takes two to drive a marriage smoothly through a bumpy road, one needs to drive and one needs to guide.


Powerful couples are made, when walking towards the same goals. Hand in hand. Heart in heart. Goal in goal. Below are a few topics to start talking about today:

1. Dreams or Goals or both!

Although these are things most couples talk about in their early relationships. Things will change over the years and it is good to get up to speed on you and your partners long term goals/dreams. Planning towards these listed items will keep you tackling goals and keep you spending time together. Wether it is painting your bedroom, running that 10km marathon or even going on that long awaited vacation. Keep your plans in view and stay in tune.

“The great marriages are partnerships. It can’t be a great marriage without being a partnership.”

– Helen Mirren
2. Fears.

If you can overcome this topic with your partner then the rest seems very easy to follow through with. As human beings we are made to feel insecure and not want the person we love and care to know what our souls fear, for fear of them loosing the care they have for us. I believe talking to your partner about these related feelings, makes a relationship stronger. You are breaking the barrier of distrust and allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Your partner will appreciate your honesty.

So talk about the relationship insecurtities, the family problem, the paternal issue, the fight you have or always have. Whatever you feel you need, you should be able to talk to your partner to resolve it or come to a neutral ground. Rather be a lover than a fighter. We are friends before we are partners. Remember this.

“My husband has made me laugh. Wiped my tears. Hugged me tight. Watched me succeed. Seen me fail. Kept me strong. My husband is a promise that I will have a friend forever.”

-Unknown
3. Parenting styles

Gosh, we all know we are busy and busy trying to be the best parents we can be that we overlook this topic sometimes, well most times. Yet, we need to find that time to sit and talk about how we will discipline the children the next time something happens, or how we want to educate our kids even what activities we choose as parents for our kids.

Knowing you are on the same page ecspecially when it comes to our kids, makes them see us as a unit. It does not allow them to pick our weaknesses and take advantage of it. Kids know which parent to pick in any circumstance to help them get their way. Save yourself for future teen years and show a united front.

“I think that enduring, committed love between a married couple, along with raising children, is the most noble act anyone can aspire to.”

— Nicholas Sparks
4. Finances.

Financial stability is the main cause for divorce in this world at this very moment. But, if you have joined your lives then surely you must be able to talk through financials. I am not talking about the dress you bought for R500 and told hubby it was R200 on special! Im talking about talking about finances even if you have seperate accounts because you always need to be aware of your partners debt as it could end up becoming your debt if your something had to happen to that person.

Everyone handles their money in different ways, but knowing what is going on with each other keeps there from being this burden thrown at you unexpectedly one fine morning whilst you think you on the free path. Even if you do not have debts, discuss your weekly spends, financial goals and even a savings account for the both of you to upkeep. Always try to give as much important information open in case there is an emergency.

Look I understand some couples ecspecially the men do not share their financial information. But, to be hinest they need to grow up. If you are spending your life with someone who is suppose to mean something to you. Have some faith in your spouse, then your spouse will have more faith in you. Like I say marriage is a two way street!

“Every relationship goes through a struggle, but only strong relationships get through it.”

-Unknown
5. FAITH

Faith in Allah, God etc.. strengthens any relationship as our religions guide us and keep our commitment to each other at the top of our list. Relationships also suffer when two people dont share the same beliefs. Sometimes in our marriages we think it will be easy to have two beliefs and some people do manage this and I congratulate them on it. But most times, we see relationships break because they cant agree on certain aspects of their lives and when kid’s get involved there brings bigger problems. Not to mention the families tend to get involved more too which doesnt help anyone either.

Faith is experienced at different levels in everyone lives but having an understanding of one partners beliefs to you own makes you better people, and your bond greater, if we try to see the good and the efforts made by our spouse then this in turn will also allow our relationship to grow in itself. Life is a learning curve and so is religion. Nobody is perfect, so try not to expect perfection in your individual spirituality too.

“Problems should be like speed bumps. You slow down just to get over it, but you don’t let it stop you from heading to your destination.

-Sonya Parker


To end it all marriage is not a bed of roses. You will experience up’s and down’s but if you do not have the proper communication, well that makes it much harder to remain a couple. Keep your conversations regular and keep these things and other things you find important too at the forefront. I promise, you will see a difference.