Sex life tips in marriage

Your sex life in marriage does not have to get boring! And if it has, I’m here to inspire the spark in you once again. I think the older you become the more intimate your relationship should get because you are comfortable as a couple and know each other’s likes and dislikes things that make you hot and not.

If your excuse is ‘life’ gets in my way, no girl change that mindset today! Put it on your priority list and keep it there. To keep and maintain this you need to make sure that you keep your relationship as a couple strong.

Here are a few tips on keeping it fun in the bedroom:

Kiss

Kiss in the morning before you or your spouse jump out of bed, or before the kids wake up. Kiss before you go to work, kiss through the phone, kiss when no one’s looking or when people are looking, kiss when you come home and kiss before you go to bed. The small moments shared are the most looked over gestures, but they mean a lot if you have had a bad day or you just want to show your partner you love and care for them.

Communicate

On the good and bad. Talk about what you like and make it fun and easy, learn to laugh about an awkward moment that may have happened, just let the conversation flow. As woman we are more emotionally tuned to intimacy in sex than men, you hold the switch to your intimacy. So, if you like a little dirty talk or if you want a little more foreplay beforehand, speak out. If you cannot communicate regularly than this is when awkward feelings will start creeping up and you will start to dislike the thought of intimacy. Intimacy is a continuous discovery between couples so allow yourself to nurture it.

Plan

Plan secret dates, send flirty messages or try some flirty actions throughout the day. This builds up the anticipation of the meeting between the two of you. Don’t look at it as you must plan it so it is not going to be worth it. Rather look at it as you both want to spend the time together and plan to make it exciting.

Dress up and down

Getting a little adventurous never killed any sex life. Gosh if anything it probably spiced it up quite a bit. No one’s saying go all 50 Shades of Grey on us, but hell, if you want to try that out, go get it, girl!

Take it one step at a time. Buy a sexy piece of lingerie or try that new position you been wanting to for a while now. Maybe try out a wig and doll yourself up, you might even feel a bit empowered!

Now by dressing down I mean, do some lady scaping. Keep yourself neat and tidy and make sure you put on that perfume he likes and maybe that red lippy too. This goes both ways too so let your man know that you love that perfume he wears and the list of other things you would like him to do for you. (Communication!)

­Lastly, I want you to LOVE.

From nearly a decade together with my partner we have experienced many ups and downs in our lives, but we always loved. Love is a powerful tool and if you and your spouse can always remember that as we better accept our partner and understand their needs along with ours, the deeper the love will grow.

The path of the lonely lioness

From a young age I was very driven and motivated to be the best. My parents were in top positions and made a great life for themselves and me. They always pushed me to be the best i could be. So from academics to sports, I always managed to keep myself in the top of each. I never thought that this would make me end up feeling so alone after i had my son.

When I met my partner we wanted the same things, to build our names and careers in our companies and be financially independant. We never saw the need to have any friends or keep company when it was not neccessary. I never truly had a friend I could call on for that advice, suppose i thought I was strong enough to deal with my emotions on my own and when my parents decided to relocate, that also left me to manage my life even more on my own to feet.

My son was born about four years later. It was definately not a planned pregnancy but we were confident and we had the capability to give him all he needed. Financialy stability had happened for us.

Till my maternity leave ended and I decided to go back to work. A feeling started coming over me that I will never forget. A loneliness, a pain in my heart even a longing. What was this I thought?

It was mom guilt in a sense but I also figured out that this little person had become my only ‘friend’. The one I spoke to in the morning and evening, the one who comforted me when i needed a cuddle, made me laugh.

This made me think that I had to put myself out there and make new ‘mom’ friends people who would maybe understand what I was going through and help me get through times when I needed that REAL FRIEND.

I started going to baby play groups with him a few times a week and oddly enough I ended up making the bestest friend I never knew I needed. A mom who I can laugh and cry with and it is the best decision I have made to get out of my own bubble and allow someone in. It is not always scary and I push any other lady who may be going through this to put yourself out there. Your friend may just be around the corner.

Love Anonymous

What is Mastitis? My experience.

Mastitis is one of the most painful things I am yet to experience in this jourey of motherhood.

It is caused by milk ducts being blocked and not being cleared. It can be treated if is has not become infected already, but you can still breastfeed your newborn as it does not pass through the milk before infection stage. (Read my story below for more information on my journey)

Treatments in the early stages:

  1. Pain Relief – Like Ibuprofen.
  2. Breastfeeding – It can help you heal quicker.
  3. Warm compress – Can relieve the engorgement and help release the milk with gentle press.
  4. Rest – Your body needs the extra love when you are not at your best.

If the pain continues please go to your nearest docter and get anti-biotics.


My story

Eight years ago my journey of motherhood had just begun and I struggled to find breastfeeding a ‘beautiful experience’. Yes when she was born and we first connected it was magical, but as the weeks progressed and the reality of cracked and sensitive nipples, stressing daily about trying to get enough milk in and worrying about leaking boobs out in public if you feed a little late became a reality, it ended up becoming a scary thought every time I needed to feed.

Yet through my fears I ended up carrying on the journey because I wanted her to get the best nutrients I could give, so I pushed as far as I could go until my daughter was 3 months old…

At the time my one breast would always fill up more than the other which is a normal thing. But it started to get more tender than it normally was. I thought well the milk is still coming through so let me just carry on, it must be normal. A few days later…. It started to get swollen as the milk was being supplied but there was no easy pasage for it to come through. Panic!!

Went to see a GP got medication (Anti-biotics). I took those for another few days on time like clock work and still tried to breastfeed (I was not prepared to give up yet!) even though it hurt like a motha and i cried tears like my breast was being torn and ripped from the inside tears! Gives me shivers even when I think about it now.

Fast forwarding to me crying like this on my mothers bathroom floor, cabbage on the breast, my mom trying to unblock the breast, aunties flocking in to try to soothe me, my husband in panic mode because he doesnt know how to help, then being driven to my family GP to only get told;

There is no more joy for medication, I am booking you in with the surgeon tommorow. You have a cyst that will need to be drained.

The end result was this. I went in for surgery, 500ml of puss was drained out, the wound was left open to heal and covered with gauze ( I got told they cannot stitch the breast from that vertical position it has to heal on it own, WTH!) and i ended up giving up the breastfeeding for a bottle.

The sad reality of life is that as much as I and many other woman also want to breastfeed their children, sometimes there are many different situations we are put in that we cannot control and a bottle is introduced in place of breast. On the bright side I managed to breastfeed all three of my kids for a certain amount of time after this episode.

Three very healthy, happy and strong children!

PS: I am not a docter or professional but this is my advice and knowledge on what i experienced with my kids and with family and friends.

This friend of mine.

When you think of friendship, who comes to mind? A friend from school days, your work place or even a new friend who you could have just met.

A Friendship in this modern age is truly a gift to only a few. There are true and fake relationships in the world we live in now, where does your friendship stand? We all need that friend who know us and all our parts. Someone who will tell you ‘what the hell where you are thinking?’ when you buy that new leopard print outfit, even when your over there thinking it’s amazing.

This friend or friends know you better than you might even know yourself.

My best friend (won’t mention names but knows who she is) has seen me at my best and worst, when I have had the shittest days even when im looking like shit from those endless sleepless nights of the thing known as being a mother (lol).

But this is what a true friend does in those times lets you cry, swear and just lay there being miserable but she understands your pain like it is her own, and through it all will lift you back up and keep you strong. Loving you without any expectations.

True friends help you grow and learn to change for the better. I come from a friendship before kids and husbands and responsibilities to now having all these things and still having a best friend to call on even when I just need to laugh at something silly my kids have done or share something hilarious on Instagram with. We have shared memories and laughter and through all this have become sisters more than friends. A lady I truly cherish and pray for everyone to have.

This is for all the BFF’s out there. Keep being the rock you are for your friend; share the laughs and memories and hold the friendship you have close to your hearts. Life is full of obstacles and at the end of it all we need that one friend to share our craziness with to get us through it all.

‘FLAWED’ by Serafima Serafimova

Serafima Serafimova has created ‘FLAWED’, a bold animation that celebrates the self-perceived flaws of women in their 30’s.

The animation reveals the private rituals we perform in front of the mirror to cope with our body-related insecurities, in the hope to encourage positive self-reflection and acceptance. The animation uses a pink color scheme evoking vulnerability, combined with rotoscoping techniques and cell animation to create tactile fluidity.

It reveals the insecurities of 20 women (including the animator herself) through the rituals they perform in front of the mirror – from flicking hair off the face to examining the scars of a mastectomy – in an attempt to encourage others to embrace who they are, as they are. 

The idea behind ‘​FLAWED’ came from a casual remark by Serafimova’s partner, pointing out  that she made a different face when she looked at herself in the mirror. “I became aware of the  fact that whenever I came across even a vaguely reflective surface I sucked in my neck and stomach and tilted my head to a more flattering angle.

I recognized that this was a futile routine I performed solely for my own benefit, which made me wonder if other women do the same to cope with their own body-related hang ups”. Reaching out to other women, Serafimova asked them to open up about their own physical insecurities, which in turn formed the main inspiration for the animation. She captured moments where they confronted their own perceived flaws in front of the mirror in order to encourage others to accept their own and lessen the negative impact, they have on their self-worth.

This animation speaks words even though it doesn’t have any. Impactful and meaningful. We all have insecurities and flaws and secret rituals we do as woman. It does not make us any less attractive or less a woman. It shows that we are all connected in one way or another and as woman we need to stand together to support each other and build each other up, instead of bringing each other down. Nearing the end of woman’s month, I urge all of you to make each month a woman’s month. We can only grow with the support of others strong, ‘flawed’ and amazing woman behind us.

Follow Serafima Serafimova on IG.

Things I do when my kids are asleep

Lets face it. Sometimes we all wish that time would come quicker than it normally does. Ecspecially after a long day of crying, nagging, cleaning, cleaning and more cleaning, lol. When our kids are asleep its like a little bit of freedom just do a few things for us. Here are some things I do when my kids are asleep:

Eat the chocolate & sweets

Most times they blame me, but what they don’t know won’t hurt them! I just blame their dad, when empty wrappers are found lying around😊

Throw away pointless toys

I have a bad habit of throwing out small, frustrating toys that pile up from the freaking sky! But it helps also keep the clutter out. Yay!

Have a relaxing bath

This is my only alone time when there is no one crying for me or asking me to play a game. Thou shalt not enter!

Be the tooth fairy

This will carry on as long as it can, my eldest is turning 8 and I love the thought that my kids’ imaginations can continue to flourish through this little white lie 😉

Delete the 101 tv show recordings

Many times, my playlist is full of Mr. Bean and Peppa Pig recordings. Then woops my finger just hits the delete button😉 Trust me they are not missed even by the kids. Plus, I need more space for EastEnders and Vikings recordings lol.

Spend time with my husband

Time is cherished when there are little ones running around but i have to make it a point to spend that quality time with my hubby. After all he was there before the kids!

Check on them before I sleep

Although they don’t realize the other things I do, this is the most important thing that I do hope they remember and love as they grow up. Fixing their blankets, kissing their foreheads and telling them I love them.

5 oils to try today!

For the past three months, I have been using 5 oils that I have fallen in love with and will continue to use for a long time! Available at most Clicks and Dischem stores.

Argan essential oil

What is it? It is a rare oil that is high in oleic acid and linoleic acid?. These acids help acne-prone skin, reduces inflammation and increases skin moisturization. It is rich in vitamin E and A, definitely a plus for all skin types because it does not clog your pores and absorbs quickly into the skin with its lightweight texture. I use this at least twice a week as a nighttime moisturizer.

I apply one to two drops on my fingers, rub to warm up and then apply to my face in a circular motion and ending with a tapping motion from my nose outward to my temple, it’s a mini face massage. Be sure to use your ring finger as it creates the least amount of pressure.

My favorite thing for this oil is for my hair, its great for my fly-aways and keeps my split ends at bay when they need to be tamed! Down boy down! As it is not oily and great to use every day, 1-2 drops are enough.

Rose hip oil

Wow, this oil. Ok before we start this is not Rose oil this is Rose-hip oil and it has been amazing for my skin. I have not had one breakout since I started using it in April! I use it mainly at night and when I need a moisturizer before applying makeup. Its benefits include skin regeneration, skin cell repair, and skin hydration. Therefore, I opt to use it at night also because it allows the oil to do its work while I sleep. My skin is more radiant, skin tone has become more even and feels smoother. For a girl with freckles, this is a one-stop-shop oil for my face.

Sweet orange essential oil

Did you know? This oil comes from the peels of oranges, which means that the healing power will be enhanced by 100%. Awesome right! Because this is so powerful, I use a few drops here and there in different things. Sometimes I mix it with my Sweet Almond Oil for the smell and because Vitamin C helps even out skin tone too. Currently, I have it in my Orange Coconut Oil Sugar Scrub

1 cup brown sugar

2-3 tbsp coconut oil

2-4 drops orange essential oils 

As orange essential oil is an antiseptic oil and anti-inflammatory it works great in a scrub, and great when you need to shave, as your skin is pre-exfoliated for a smoother shave and you don’t even need to add soap! Not to mention I love this oil also because the smell of oranges reminds me of summer 😊

Sweet Almond Oil

This is my new body moisturizer. Every day after I shower on damp skin, this is my go-to! With a few drops of your favorite essential oil, it keeps my skin moisturized throughout the day and night. This is not a costly oil and it lasts me the whole month and I can change up the smells according to what I like. Rich in vitamin E, it a powerful antioxidant and protects the skin from UV radiation damage. This oil is not oily and will not leave your skin feeling slick, so soak up the goodness! Recently I watched a video of HudaBeauty talking about dark under-eye circles and how Almond Oil is amazing to treat so if you have not watched it be sure to watch her video on IG @HudaBeauty.  I am currently attempting this, and I will keep you updated on my progress!

Black Jamaican Castor Oil

I don’t know where I would have been without this oil on my curly girl journey! I first came across it is researching oils for hair growth and everywhere I read or watched highly recommended this oil, and it had to be Tropic Isle Living Black Jamaican Castor Oil.

  • Made from roasted castor beans crushed in a mortar. Water is added and slowly boiled over a wood fire. This method results in a thick dark brown oil. 
  • It is rich in Ricinoleic acid also known as an omega-9 fatty acid. Which is known to improve blood circulation, which results in hair growth and hair re-growth.
  • It strengthens hair from the scalp allowing thinning hair to gain strength.

So off I went looking for this and when I found it, I said, ‘what the hell let’s give it a go’ and from April till the present, my hair has grown 4 inches and the look and feel are amazing. For me, it’s a must for all hair types and it lasts months! I have had it for four months and I still have a ¼ of it leftover.

Advice: use it sparingly as its quite thick and you only need a small amount to spread all over your scalp 1-2 times a week. Be sure to massage it in with your fingertips in gentle circular motions. Its amazing for split ends too.

Hot oil treatment: Warm a few drops in a heatproof bowl and massage the oil into your scalp and hair. Wrap a shower cap around your hair and let the heat from your head do the work for a few hours. Wash and condition as usual. Do this once a week.

Now I am no expert on all these beauty items, but I can guarantee you that I have seen a difference in my skin and hair and if you are willing to take the plunge to try something new. I would recommend trying one of these 5 oils first. Also, allow yourself time to see the benefits 😊

* All these oils range from R60 – R200 not so bad on the pocket and it lasts a good few months dependent on use.

C-section – Physically & Mentally

To all my mum’s out there who have gone through this painful yet rewarding experience, high fives all round! It is not easy to heal from physically and mentally let alone still having to be able to look after your newborn and yourself even possibly other kids too. I think we deserve nothing but the highest credit for the pains we endure as woman who go through the pain of labor whether natural or c-section. What amazing beings we are!

When did you realize just after birth, you are trying to heal but you have a million things running through your mind whilst doing the following:

  • Side hustle (for c-section mums): means getting off the bed sideways and feeding sideways to avoid the operation lol)
  • Feeding every 2-3 hours, am I a milk robot!
  • Boobs are leaking 24/7 and having a constant battle to keep the breast pads in place all day!
  • Changing diapers becomes the new pass time like you would not believe.
  • Waking up 20 times a night, but still trying to fit in some series because you ‘think’ you have all the time in the world, but wake up the next day feeling so shit but so worth it because you feel a bit human.
  • All this still whilst trying to look good, be a wife and everything else we need to be (exhausting I know).

Yet the love for our child remains, because as we do these things we may see as annoying ,they grow our emotional bond to our child because we learn to know what keeps them happy and content, where do you think the term “mothers know everything” comes from? We are literally blessed to know these little gifts from conception till the day we leave the earth.

Emotionally we struggle to cope with;

  • Thoughts of having the responsibility of another life.
  • Feeling a connection with your baby as you try to cope with the pain.
  • Am I breastfeeding ok, is the baby getting enough milk?
  • You feel you are not getting enough help.
  • Does anyone understand what you are going through.
  • Your stressed that you will not be a good enough parent.
  • The thought of mortality that you didn’t have before, about yourself or those around you now that you have a a little one who is dependent on you.
  • Wondering how it will be when you want to be intimate again.

Well this is not anything concerning, these are emotions all new mums will go through maybe not all but, there is always fears and anxiety that comes with having a new child. The only advice I can give out of experience is to talk about it. You are not weird, this is not a competition to see who the best mum is in your group, this is reality. If there is a mum out there who tells you she never experienced at least one of these things listed, well let’s say I beg to differ.

I hope there will be a time when mums can be supportive of each other’s experiences, all we really need is one person to be able to share our fears with other than our partners and I hope I can be that for any mum out there who is having a hard time, if need be. Support to me is critical for emotional healing after a c-section.

Physically we go through seeing our body change from a little loose skin here and there, boob fluctuation, stretch marks and post operation scarring. Possible dark under eye circles from sleepless nights and hair loss. Here are some tips I would like to share with you on overcoming these:

  • Keep up good nutrition –your body loses a lot of nutrients, so keep a good diet and drink a lot of water. No one will blame you for post-par tum cravings too 😉
  • Create a small exercise routine, even if you start taking short walks with baby. Your body and mind will benefit immensely from even 15 minutes outdoors.
  • To help with tummy shrinkage – I literally lived in high wasted tights for weeks. Not the same ones obviously (laughs), get yourself a pair, life saving in helping your tummy to shrink.
  • Try making a pamper day once a month, this will help as you get your ‘alone’ time.
  • Last one but most beneficial I would want you to spend if not every day one day, to just lay in bed with your baby. Kiss, hug and talk to her, enjoy every part of her. This is you and this is the one person you love wrapped in one bundle. Remember that they love you through all your feels, even if you are not loving yourself at that moment.

This last point I mentioned will change your whole physical feeling, guaranteed! It took 9 months for your body to get to where it is, you carried a baby woman maybe two or three even! Give yourself a break, learn to love you and your flaws, we all have them, this is what will make you recover and keeps you recovering!

Before I end off, people tend to say that having a c section doesn’t allow you to feel the bond between your child and yourself! As a mother of three and having been through three c-sections I believe no matter natural or c-section, the bond with your child is there from the day you find out you are expecting and it just blooms when you hold your baby for the first time.

You are amazing and I respect all mums out there.

A letter to my kids

To my amazing kids

The time is near. Where I will have to go back into the world of work.

I will get up earlier than usual, just to stand by the doors of your rooms to watch over you for those extra five minutes to help my heart settle.

All I want to do is snuggle with you and make sure you know the real reason why I am leaving you.

On my way out, I take a deep breath and walk out the door.

Leaving you every day is the hardest part of my life.

Many hard decisions must be made by mums and it also proves that they have one of the hardest jobs in the world.

When you grow a little older, I hope you will see the sacrifices I had to make for you to get you where you are, and its only because I love you. I am trying to teach you that hard work and commitment will always get you to where you want to be.

Whether you choose dance, maths, art, or charitable work. I only pray you find work that you love and do it with all of your heart. Break the stereotypes of the world and become the best you, that mum has taught you to be,unapologetic and courageous.

Life makes you strong, you will learn what it takes to be strong. At your first day of school, when mummy asks you to go with the teacher, you will be scared and mummy will be scared to but I will wait for you outside the door at the first sign of the school bell, to hold you and tell you how proud I am of you.

Mummy will always be there.


I hate to leave you every day but until the day comes when you tell me I can step back (even though I will be there at the blink of an eye when you need me.

I will always love you now and forever.

Two is a breeze, but what about three?

They tend to say two is the perfect recipe when you are a parents. Why?

Well the recipe goes two parents, two laps, 2 sets of helping hands to two little busy bodies. I agree, when i had two it felt like it was just perfect.

This is until i had three…

Don’t get scared, i was just testing you! To me having three was just the same as having two. As your already juggling the demands and needs of one kid anyway. Once your third one comes its like a walk in the park, except your bags and car are fuller. (Laughs)

There are some amazing things that did happen though when I did get my third:
The older kids became independent.

Its not a bad thing. At times it might just be you and three of them, so teach them to start finding their Independence. There are only so many hands that can go around. Try making it a game, big brother/sister needs your help, will you please get mummy a nappy or the wipes? You will be surprised how quickly they learn they are able to do a lot on their own. Make sure you praise their efforts 🙂

You are never lonely

When your feeling bored, nothing to do. You have in house friends who just love your attention. Why not take advantage of that and have a Pyjama day or a movie date with the littlest people who love you the most. Best of all you don’t even have to dress up!

Being in control, and not loosing control.

You will loose control of every situation you have. Nothing will ever go as planned no matter how much you try to plan. This is great! You must think, is she mad? No i have a good reasoning behind it. Because it teaches you to break your own expectations and never be let down. Life is and never can be planned to the tee. So do not expect your life with kids to be planned either. Flaws and challenges is what makes life beautiful so embrace it!

I do not regret having three. It gives me something new to wake up to everyday, a new joke from my son, a little dance and song from my daughter, new words and expressions from my toddler and the best cuddles and hugs i could ask for every single day.

Here’s to my family of five!